Tips for Supporting a Survivor of Sexual Assault

Navigating the aftermath of sexual assault can be an overwhelming and isolating experience for a college student and knowing how to provide meaningful support can be challenging, especially if the survivor is a loved one. Below are some practical tips and strategies on how to respond if the college student in your life experiences sexual assault. From active listening to understanding boundaries, each suggestion is rooted in sensitivity and empathy, with the ultimate goal of fostering healing and resilience in the aftermath of trauma.

  • Start by believing. Someone who has experienced assault may feel shame, guilt, and self-doubt. It’s common for people to keep their assault a secret for any length of time. Your loved one may be opening up about an experience that happened weeks, months, or even years ago. No matter what, let them know that you believe them.
  • Listen non-judgmentally & don’t interrupt. It’s hard for someone to disclose that they’ve been assaulted, especially if you haven’t talked openly about sex and consent with them in the past. Their story may not be in chronological order, they may be missing details, their memory may be disjointed. Don’t interrupt them. Let them talk and listen intently.
  • Assure them it’s not their fault. It is common for survivors of sexual violence to blame themselves. No matter the circumstances, 100% of the fault falls squarely on the perpetrator. Tell them explicitly that it’s not their fault.
  • Don’t pry for details. Asking for specific information about what happened can come across as if you don’t believe them and can imply that you think they are to blame for what happened. Instead, ask questions to better understand how they are feeling and the impact the assault is having so you know how to best support them.
  • Let them know you are there for them. Thank them for sharing with you and make it clear that they can talk to you whenever they need to and that you will support whatever they decide to do. Reassure them that you will respect their privacy and won’t share anything they don’t want you to share.
  • Don’t pressure them to report. Your loved one may or may not want to report their assault to the university or local law enforcement. There are many valid reasons why they may not want to report, including fear that there will be negative consequences and uncertainty whether their experience was serious enough to report. Help them understand their rights and options but respect their decision on how to proceed.
  • Don’t try to take control. You will probably feel a lot of emotions, including anger, and want to seek retribution. Don’t put that on your loved one. Sexual violence is about power and control. Let them guide decision-making and support whatever they decide. If your loved one reports their assault to you right after it occurred, you can suggest they seek care and evidence preservation at a hospital, but respect their wishes if they don’t want to do so.
  • Offer resources. There are many resources available to survivors of sexual assault, including university-based resource centers, local rape crisis centers, the RAINN national hotline, and counseling. Educate yourself and share options so they can seek support regardless of whether they chose to make a report.
  • Take care of yourself. Learning that a loved one has been assaulted can be shocking, upsetting, and scary. While supporting them, don’t forget to support yourself. Seek out a safe person, whether that’s a friend or a counselor (not your loved one who's been assaulted), to help you process your emotions.

Be Aware of the Red Zone

College students are more likely to be sexually assaulted between late August and Thanksgiving break than any other time in their college career. This time period is commonly referred to as the “Red Zone”, and the ‘me too’ Movement™ has helpful tips and resources on how to navigate it. This time frame is especially vulnerable due to the influx of new students who are navigating an unfamiliar environment and seeking social connections as well as the increased number of social events, including parties where alcohol consumption is prevalent. New students often lack established support networks and are still learning about campus safety resources and protocols. Institutions should focus on awareness and prevention strategies during this critical period to mitigate risks and support student safety.

 

For a detailed list of where college students can seek support on their campus, download our free resource: Staying Safe on Campus: A Guide for Families.

For additional resources about supporting a survivor of sexual assault, look at: